Don’t aspire to be happy. Focus on this instead.
Last week I saw the following tweet by the inspiring Kate Strong:
It got me thinking about what do we REALLY want (as compared to what we THINK we want). I had done some reading about how happiness is only ever a fleeting emotion, and it’s actually not something we can ever “have” on a permanent basis.
With the above in my head, I replied with the following:
I thought I’d take to Medium to expand on my reply because I rushed my tweet a little, and didn’t really go into what I meant. I think the thing that’s making everyone so unhappy is the constant pursuit of “happiness” when in fact it’s an impossible goal to achieve, and we need to focus on finding our purpose instead.
Advertising agencies have done an amazing job of convincing us that to be truly happy, we need to buy the newest car, phone, tv, clothes, etc. Consumerism is at an all-time high and continuing to grow, but at the same time, happiness levels are at an all-time low. Sure, we all feel happy when we first get our hands on the new thing, but the feeling never lasts, and then we need to move on to something else to make us happy again.
This notion of achieving happiness from the outside is what’s causing us to be unhappy. We are using these external stimuli to help minimise our internal pain. As I mention in my tweet, this pain can be financial, emotional, or mental. We find ourselves under pressure in many different ways in this modern world, and being so time poor we tend to take the quick and easy option of using external things to help ‘dull’ the pain. And, on the whole, they work.. sort of. The short term happiness IS achieved, the pain is momentarily dulled, and we think we are ok. Until we’re not and the cycle commences again.
Now I don’t want you to think I’m an anti-consumer activist — I like shiny new things as much as the next person — I just want you to think about the attachment you have internally to that new thing and whether it’s the right thing for you to do through the lens of the longer-term view of your life.
Real contentment in your life can only come from within, and the external things in our life should simply be seen as an extension of our inner contentment, not the reason for it.
The second part of my tweet is where things get interesting. If we can find our purpose, and be able to do something with that purpose, then we will be able to truly achieve contentment in our lives (and no, I don’t believe it is anybody’s “purpose” to just constantly buy new things!).
To have a feeling of fulfilment when you complete a task, or help someone, or take action in something that aligns with your personal values fills you with a great sense of contentment, and yes, even happiness. However, after the happiness fades, you will still keep that feeling of contentment that you have achieved something of worth (however you define that).
We can only be happy when we are leading fulfilled lives, knowing we are making a positive difference to the world. So if you want to be happy, you need to find your purpose, and then take steps towards fulfilling that purpose.
