Ode to a Matriarch
At approximately 8:15pm on Saturday 6 February 2021, my grandmother Judy Slutzkin (nee Green) passed away at the age of 98. It’s 5:28am on Sunday morning and I can’t sleep, so I got up to write down my thoughts on her passing.
My heart was somehow both full and broken at the same time when it happened. It was full because not only was I, my wife, and my two sons there, but because I know that the last thing she heard was my younger son practising his barmitzvah, which is going to be on 19th of June. We had spoken numerous times over the previous months whether or not she was going to still be here for it, and it was on a visit just two weeks ago that she told us she had planned to “stick around” for it. Sadly, things went downhill quite quickly a week later, and now she is no longer with us. We had no idea when we visited her that she was going to pass away that night, we just knew the end was close. The boys hadn’t seen her for two weeks, and we felt it was right for them to come and say goodbye for the last time.
I have so many thoughts running through my head, so there really isn’t going to be rhyme or reason to what comes out when!
I think about how she passed away less than three weeks before the 30th anniversary of my grandfather passing, which led me to two completely different thoughts:
1. Her strength. That her husband passed away at the relatively young age of 77 (she was only 68), and she didn’t re-marry, she didn’t re-partner, and she didn’t leave the home they were living in until December 2020 when it was clear her slowly failing heart was too big a risk for her to stay at home. Judy also continued to travel overseas regularly on her own for years and years, which has inspired the rest of us to travel as much as possible. Judy’s ability to just keep on going shows the strength of her generation, and I fear that strength has been incredibly watered down in the ensuing generations. But that’s a separate piece of writing altogether!
2. History repeating. My grandfather passed away when I was close to turning 15, and now, here we are, 30 years later, and my grandmother has just passed away with my son close to turning 15. He is a lot like me, always hiding his emotions and putting up walls to protect himself, and I just hope over the coming days and weeks he will be ok. I will use my experiences to keep an eye on him.
I then think about my younger son and his comments to me after we had gotten home, tears streaming down his face. “Dad, that was so special that my Parasha was the last thing she heard. And especially that part of it”. I am thankful that the actual day is still over 4 months away because it was a very overwhelming moment, and I hope with the passing of time things will feel a little less raw. Because I know that when he comes to read that particular part on the day, we will all be thinking of Judy, and it might make it tough to get through that part.
I think back over my time with Judy (and I don’t recall why she was always known as just “Judy” to us, rather than “Nanna Judy” or “Grandmother” or “Grandma”), and there are just so many things to smile about in the conversations that we had. She was extremely well-read, and she kept her mind active after my grandfather passed away, playing bridge all the way until last year, reading the papers every day and staying on top of current events. Here are just a few things we talked about:
Sport
Judy loved cricket, and I think that love was passed down the generations through my dad, to myself, and now to my boys. We could talk at any time about the Australian cricket team, and what they’re up to, and who is doing well and who should be dropped. Only two months ago, when we visited her at her home, we had talked about the Australian’s performance against India to date, and who should replace Joe Burns as opener! She was also a keen St Kilda Football supporter, I think picked up from my grandfather who was raised in St Kilda, hence the affiliation. While I trod a different path, following my mum’s footsteps and barracking for Collingwood, she kept up to date with how things were going in the AFL and we could always chat about the season and how our teams were going.
Business
Judy kept herself up to date with the economy and the financial markets, and we were able to talk about what’s going on at any time. When I tried my hand at running a start-up in 2017, she was extremely supportive and always excited to hear how things were going (even though things weren’t going well!). And now, where I am on the cusp of buying a business, I was able to talk to her about it along the way, and again she was very excited for me. In a lovely connection, the company’s name has her maiden name in it: Green! It’s certainly one way that I will stay connected to her and that side of the family.
Family
If there is one thing Judy knew, it was family. Our family is very diverse, and a long way from a ‘typical’ Jewish family. However, through it all, Judy has shown patience and love to everybody, and she has been a great sounding board for me over the years to talk to her about things in my family. Her pragmatic, calm approach to situations was really helpful, and her advice will be sorely missed.
Religion
My father’s side of the family was where I got most of my religion. The Slutzkin clan have been a part of St Kilda Hebrew Synagogue since it’s inception in 1871, and that tradition still continues today with my boys both celebrating their barmitzvahs in the synagogue. I grew up having every Shabbat dinner at Judy and Grandpa’s house, and I remember for years my sister and I would alternate sleeping there afterwards. I have many fond memories of having “soggy lettuce” (soaked in the salad dressing from dinner the night before) on top of Promite on my challah for breakfast on a Saturday morning while watching The Thunderbirds on tv! I also remember being 12, the last year of not having to fast for Yom Kippur, and trying to last as long as I could. At 3pm (about 4 hours before the fast was due to end), I caved, and Judy took me back to her place for something to eat.
I know that no words, especially my own, can do justice to celebrating Judy’s life, but I will end off by saying that she will be extremely missed by all of us, and I am eternally grateful that she was able to attend one barmitzvah, and hear the other one.
Rest in Peace, oh matriarch. 😢
